Neighbours of the Royal Household were surprised to be woken in the early hours of this morning by the sound of a re-enforced down being broken down. They looked outside their windows and were shocked to see the surrounding streets full of riot police, and a huddle of social workers gathered around an unmarked car.
Minutes later, eyewitnesses reported a young woman run from the Royal Household clutching a bundle to her chest, and being helped into the unmarked car. They were pursued by several bleary eyed royals, who seemed to be unsuccessfully ordering the police to give chase, and then threatening them when they refused.
A spokesman for the local services was on hand to read out the following statement.
We have been studying this family for some time and we believe that we have good reason to believe that it is in the child’s best interests to be removed. We take the protection of children extremely seriously, and will answer questions at a press conference later today.”
Later that morning, London saw its biggest ever press conference as the world’s media gathered to hear why the worlds most famous newborn, as yet unamed had been taken into care.
Mr Jones, head of Social Services explained.
“The Saxe-Coburg family are members of an extreme medievalist cult. They have a history of bringing up the first child in a family to believe that they are destined by God to rule over everybody else. The immense psychological damage done by telling a child this, and any siblings that they will always be inferior, is obvious to all.
They also claim that they are descnded from William the Conquerer, Jesus Christ, King David, and infact God himself. Such backward looking belief systems can be tolerated in our modern age, but it seems that the family insist on such superstition being the only history taught to the children.
Finally, the family admit that even though the child is barely a day old, they have already decided that once grown up he will spend his life waving at people and will only be able to get a job as “Head of State”. We are now investigating the family for breaching Equal Opportunities legislation in their job adverts.”
Some journalists expressed shock that they couldn’t see and photograph the baby. Others were seen trying to bribe social workers to give them details of the “normal family” the baby was to be placed with, but it was stressed that total anonymity was essential if this baby was to grow up as a balanced human being, “as was every child’s right.”
Mr Jones ended the press conference with this warning :
“The Saxe-Coburg family have a history of unusual behaviour and medieval beliefs. We understand that some people may have sympathy for their situation. But we warn members of the public not to approach them due to their violent history. For many centuries, the family indulged in bloodletting, often killing each other to achieve power. Less than 100 years ago, cousins within this family fought a dispute which caused the deaths of millions of people across Europe.”