58 Million migrants “Go Home” to swamp the UK after UKBA “racist van” hijacked by terrorists and driven around the world.
All the journalists at the Daily Express have had to seek counselling as the latest immigration figures send them over the edge. The influx of migrants, the greatest population movement since 1945, has seen the streets of Britain’s cities crawling with the “returnees” of the British Diaspora .All homes in the UK have been ordered to have whole families moving into their homes. Queues up to a mile long have been reported outside benefit offices. Schools are bursting at the seams with up to 60 in a class, while the road network has become totally gridlocked.
“Terrorists to blame” claims UK Border Agency
As the flood of ex-pats began to swamp the country, the terrorist group responsible has now been revealed. “No Borders!!! Right Now!!!!!”, a breakaway from the “No Borders! Now!!!” group, itself a split off from No Borders! group admitted responsibility for the disappearance of the UK Border Agency’s advertising hoarding vehicle, dubbed “racist van”. Initially, the UKBA had stated that their trial of the van ended after a week.
Now they have revealed that their van was actually stolen, and nothing has been seen of it since. “No Borders!!! Right Now!!!!!” has just released the following press statement
“No Borders!!! Right Now!!!! have removed the racist van from the streets of London, due to its contravention of the laws against inciting racial hatred. We drove it initially across the channel, but our drivers then embarked on a world tour. “In the UK Illegally” was changed to “Away from the UK?”, but the “Go Home” slogan was left, along with the helpline. We didn’t really expect it to be taken so seriously”
The impact on British citizens and their descendants living around the globe has been phenomenal. Millions of people around the world, connected to the UK by their DNA, felt the need to “Go Home”. Many took DNA tests before making the decision.
Phyllis, an 87 year old resident of New York said she was amazed to discover, through DNA testing, that her families stories about her Great Great Great Grandmother fleeing anti-Huguenot racism in London were probably true. She saw the van on Brooklyn Bridge, and immediately phoned the hotline.”Now I can return home with the help of my country” she said.
Michael, a former rapper said “I was always proud of my African-American heritage. But I always knew what the slave-owners did to our grandmothers. I faced up to this reality when I did the DNA test, and when I saw the van. It made me want to go home and I felt compelled to make peace with the Mother Country”
Anwesha arrived from Calcutta after discovering an Anglo-Indian ancestor. ” My quest is over. My search for meaning has ended. I’m home!”, she declared as she arrived at Southampton on one of the world’s many container vessels especially chartered to bring home the British Diaspora.
Of the fifty million new migrants, 40,234,652 have come from the USA. They have been joined by 4,897,332 descendants of criminals from Australia, a similar number of “Anglo-Indians”, thousands of Argentian-Welsh from Patagonia. Scotland is experiencing a particularly large influx with its population trebling in a week with 4,890,581Scots from the US and another 4,046,325.There have been returnees from every country on Earth, from North Korea to Kyrgyzstan
Political Turmoil at Westminster
Initially MPS from across the house declared that all the diaspora were “welcome here”. Alex Salmond of the SNP demanded that Scots come north of the border where “they can contribute to our country”. BNP and UKIP leaders arranged welcoming parties at the airports and ports to welcome “our cousins”. But today, both parties are in turmoil as they realised that, in the words of Nigel Farage (pic left) “the diaspora was far more mixed than we imagined”. As the scale of the migration became clear, the Prime Minister reminded the nation that “we welcome diversity in this country. There is much work that needs doing in this country, and these are the people to help us do it”. Mr Salmond said that Scotland needed to be sure
Meanwhile, Migration Watch closed its offices today. A spokesman refused to say whether they opposed to this weeks mass migration. They denied that they would be taking legal action against a range of “Migration Watch” groups that have sprung up across the world which have been celebrating the departure of the British and lobbying to have their country’s laws changed to prevent any return.
A spokesman for Migration Watch India said today
These people have been coming over here for centuries. They have refused to integrate. They haven’t bothered to learn our language, insisting we learn theirs. They always take the best paid jobs that everyone wants. They eat weird food and continue to try and ram their religion down our throats. We doing fine without them”.
Laws have been hurried through in most countries stipulating that any UK citizen wanting to visit their countries in the future will have to pay a $100,000 bond, take only unskilled jobs and pass an exam in the local language and culture. The UK Prime Minister has made a statement declaring outrage at the insulting, racist attitudes to British people implied by these laws.
Recovering from a breakdown and speaking from his hospital bedside, Sun journalist and UKIP member Gary Bushell said “you can’t blame the 40 million rise in unemployment on the returnees. It’s all those foreigners to blame.” He continues to deny that he is 9% African.
Clashes at Heathrow, Confusion at the Palace
In other scenes at our borders, the group “No Borders” protested at the return of Carol and Mark Thatcher. Carol was in tears as she arrived at Heathrow. Through the cries of “Thatchers.Out!!”, she explained that both her and Mark would find it difficult to live in a country that their mother had done so much to “. At one point, police had to separate “No Borders” supporters from former Migration Watch supporters, who were waiting to welcome another plane load of returnees from South Africa.
Last night, Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour Party has called on the Prime Minister to fund urgent research into British DNA amid rumours that almost everyone on earth may be able to “return” to the UK. And a spokesman for the Saxe-Coburg family (formerly the Windsors )said that rumours that they would be returning to Germany were unfounded.