“Own Goal”: A Spoof Employees Newsletter for Southern Rail staff

 own goalOwn Goal” is a spoof and must  not  be confused with Southern Railways newsletter for it’s employees, “Our Goal”. Own Goal has forced management to make a statement telling everyone how they’ they take employment rights extremely seriously, but because it names the head of HR it sould not be shared or linked on the internet by employees. ( See end of article)

OWN GOAL

Horoscope : 2014 will be a stressful time, particularly for those in the Southern hemisphere.

Work hours will increase, you will feel constantly undervalued and may even find your occupation. taken over by machines and Indian call centres.

Later in the year you will be looking at a new job with better opportunities and life fulfilment from another company that will value you and the work you undertake.”

People :“My name is Lil and I was a Southern cleaner helping to keep trains spick and span.“Now I have been pushed out and have to work zero hours at Poundland where they treat me better than Southern. I’m 87.”

Competition : A chance to win a signed photograph of the MD at Southern (unframed) and a Southern pencil.”

Workplace News : reports Southern staff are extremely dissatisfied with shifts and working arrangements. A fictional character by the name of Sunita Poon – Southern’s head of HR and diversity – says: “We displace staff, introduce half-baked new shifts, increase ticket office queues and sack cleaners because it is the right thing to do and makes even more profit for our shareholders.”

Southern have released the following statement

“Accusations against the Southern Rail
An allegation has been made in an online spoof newsletter about the working conditions and staff disgruntlement earlier this year. Human Resouces regards the accusation of pressure on staff extremely serious. Southern utterly opposes any exploitation of our employees.

Senior Management has been told by Human Resources that thorough processes are implemented when dealing with any disatisfaction amongst staff. HR will ensure that any matters raised are properly dealt with.

Difficult cases will be discussed during the HR report at the Shareholders AGM.

We regret the publication of the name of our Head of HR in this so-called newsletter online and insist that there should be no repeat of this.

We also deplore the use by some Southern Rail staff of the name of HR’s head which can have serious consequences for their work and other aspects of their lives.Staff should also not link to/share articles that use names in this way.”

Accusations against the Southern Rail

An allegation has been made in an online spoof newsletter about the working conditions and staff disgruntlement earlier this year. Human Resouces regards the accusation of pressure on staff extremely serious. Southern utterly opposes any exploitation of our employees.

Senior Management has been told by Human Resources that thorough processes are implemented when dealing with any disatisfaction amongst staff. HR will ensure that any matters raised are properly dealt with.

Difficult cases will be discussed during the HR report at the Shareholders AGM.

We regret the publication of the name of our Head of HR in this so-called newsletter, and online and insist that there should be no repeat of this.

We also deplore the use by some Southern Rail staff of the name of HR’s headwhich can have serious consequences for their work and other aspects of their lives.Staff should also not link to/share articles that use names in this way.”

Karlie Chimber, Boss Southern Rail

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